Raven’s Rides
Raven's Rides Motorcycle Blog

1. For those unfamiliar with the concept, April 15 is the taxes-due deadline here in the USA. Despite the fact that, just like Christmas, it’s on the same day every year (okay, if it’s a weekend they change it to the 16th or 17th), many people leave it to the last minute. Most of today wouldn’t have happened if I’d started this in February, but it didn’t work out that way.

So…here’s what you do to turn the 15th of April into a 95-mile ride. ;)

2. First, to achieve this kind of time crunch you start with a broken printer, and procrastinate on bringing it home to fix (it was in the storage shed). You decide that this is the year you will start doing your own taxes. And you also have an old, decrepit Windows laptop and a copy of QuickBooks with your business accounts which corrupts and refuses to reinstall. Thus, while you have backups of your accounts, you can’t access them. You are required to reconstruct your entire accounts for the last year from scratch using your paper and other records.

This takes a little while.

3. Then, your printer, being old, does not like the government’s forms. It does not have enough available memory, in fact, to print many of them properly. This results in a big pile of paper and frustration and a bemused-looking cat.

4. At around 11 on the 14th you give up in utter disgust and start looking up locations that might have tax forms. You’d go out here and now to get them if you thought any might actually still be open.

5. The following morning, suitably psyched up, you leave your home to go questing for forms and the like. You know immediately that today its going to be thoroughly Murphified when you find your motorcycle’s horn hanging from a thread. You string it up with bungees but it isn’t honking and you know this will be fun on tax day when you’re not the only other loony rushing around.

6. At this point you check your bike’s oil. It’s low. You fix this. You know that if you don’t fix this you’ll be stranded along a roadside because it’s going to be one of those days where you just. Don’t. Tempt. Fate.

Just in case, though, you threaten your bike with the scrap heap if it dares to break down on you today.

The bike, cooperatively, runs more happily than it has in a while. ;)

7. Working on the same principles, you then fill ‘er up. $10 won’t fill the tank any more and you have this flashback to the time when, not long ago, you could fill the tank for $5 instead. :(

And, it turns out, one bungee won’t hold the horn. You are glad you filled up because otherwise chances are you wouldn’t have found this out until it was too late. Looks like you caught a break from Murphy, huh?

8. You go down to Long’s Drug which has state forms. Great! But no federal forms.

A cyclist tries to commit suicide in front of your bike. You do an emergency stop, but can’t honk.

You try the DMV. A dull, bored-looking kid tells you they “might” have federal forms if you stand in line.

This is the DMV. You know better than to stand in line.

9. You then ride to Woodbridge. It’s some way from the DMV. It’s also small enough that you don’t really have to know where the post office is: you just ride up and down until you notice it.You still manage to go the wrong way at least once, though. ;)

There are no federal forms. Just state. You give up. You could ride all day and never find a location with federal forms, so you switch to Plan B.

10. You ride to the UPS store. En route, you avoid being creamed by a huge RV with a big boat in tow. They don’t seem to know what they are doing. ;)

At UPS, there is an internet machine from which you can print. You spend a lot of time printing a lot of forms because you have a very complicated tax life.

11. Then you ride home and fill out your many and multifarious forms. It takes a very long time. You go mildly cross-eyed.

You ride back to the UPS store and take advantage of their photocopier, buy some large envelopes, and assemble the packets. You get amused and pitying looks from the proprietors.

Then you ride across the street to Safeway to pick up a money order.

12. Oooh! Ahhhh! The end is in sight! It’s 7pm and you’ve been running around since 9 this morning.

You ride to Lodi post office. It’s closed. The postage machine is broken. Your tax dollars at work!

Howls of derision come from other patrons who make the same discovery at the same time

The end is still in sight, but a little further away. ;)

You’re exhausted, but starting to find this rather funny.

13. You return home, half-blinded by the sun, and look online for a post office in the area that might be open until midnight.

There’s one, in Stockton. Just one for the whole of San Joaquin county.

You set out on the 45-mile round trip with the sun setting in your rear-view mirrors. The post office is easy to find on account of it being just off the freeway and teeming with other late arrivals such as yourself.

You are herded in, pull up and deposit your taxes, trusting that a 15th of April postmark will be added and it won’t all have been in vain. It’s a slow-moving zoo there but you feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders.

The ride home is rather fun.

On the way back, you pick up Chinese food. You figure you deserve it. ;)

13 (continued)(*). And then you enjoy the treat you bought several days ago and promised yourself as a prize for getting the taxes done. You watch Doctor Who, and plot your latest TT13. ;)

(*) Yeah, yeah. I lost count. Get over it. ;)

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Chelle Young
2. The Pink Flamingo
3. A Gentleman’s Domain
4. On a Limb with Claudia
5. The Gal Herself
6. Where the Road Takes Us
7. Single Parents Unite
8. Spring Raine
9. I was Born to Create
10. Reba’s Run
11. Sticky Apple Kisses
12. Joy is my Goal
13. A Day in the Life of a Mom of 6
14. Crushed Glass
15. Emerald City Guy
16. Biker Chickz Blog

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